Your pants are on fire

We’re being asked to believe that the military would use unproven technology in an unprecedented attempt to shoot down a satellite in order to protect us from a tank carrying 1,000 pounds of rocket fuel.

Holy hydrazine, Batman! I’m no rocket scientist, but wouldn’t you think that a tank full of rocket fuel might burn up before it hits the earth? Seems like a much safer bet than, say, invading a sovereign nation and expecting its citizens to welcome us as liberators. Or housing thousands of people in trailers known to expose occupants to formaldehyde. Or ignoring the science on climate change. Or trusting your buddies from Enron to write energy policy that’s good for the nation. Or trusting Pervez Musharraf as an ally in the ‘war on terror.’ For starters.

Well, apparently that pesky spy satellite of ours has been blown to smithereens, according to the Pentagon.

“According to the Pentagon.” Remember them? They’re the same folks – led by the White House – who brought us the failed campaign in Iraq. Little things like the truth aren’t going to slow them down on a matter like this. And the operation cost only $60 million. Man, what a bargain.

This is a wild guess, but maybe there were some dirty little American secrets in that satellite. The Pentagon was so desperate to keep anyone else from learning about them that they got President Bush to approve these extraordinary measures – and risks – to shoot it down.

One final note: Six groups positioned across the country by FEMA were alerted but not activated Wednesday, according to spokesman James McIntyre, who said, “These are purely precautionary and preparedness actions only.” Good to know that FEMA is there in case anything goes wrong.