Simple Simon on bailouts

“We have sort of become a nation of whiners. You just hear this constant whining, complaining about a loss of competitiveness, America in decline.  You’ve heard of mental depression; this is a mental recession.”

“Thank God the economy is not as bad as you read in the newspaper every day.”

July 2008, Phil Gramm, vice chairman of the Swiss bank UBS, senior economic adviser to John McCain, former Texas senator, and holder of a doctorate in Economics

I got a ‘D’ in Intro to Econ in college. After the last class of the semester I couldn’t wait to get my workbook into a urinal and invite others in the dorm to join me in symbolically ending my career as a student of Economics. But even I understand that borrowing to pay back borrowed money, repeated 20 or 30 times and always adding “a little something” for yourself, is a recipe for guaranteed disaster.

So what’s with these bankers and Wall Street fat cats?  Did they fail their Econ courses? If that was the problem, we could just send them back to school.   No – behind all the fancy terminology and slick deals is a more fundamental issue: greed. Eeewww.  That’s a word we usually hear in church, not in the marketplace. But its practitioners in the financial world have exercised greed so blatant and outrageous that the word is now back in common use.

So much for the idea that business does best with no government interference (ie, regulations).  Looks like Adam Smith’s ‘invisible hand’ has actually been using a chainsaw to cut off its own legs. Once-venerable banks and financial institutions are crumbling under mountains of bad debt.  The sickening part of this mess is that it was knowingly created by financial wizards who figured they could get their piece of the action and get out before it all collapsed.  The heck with the rest of us.

One of the bitter ironies here is the extent to which the financial services industry tried to keep the government out of its business.  According to a BankNet360.com analysis of data, the finance, insurance & real estate sector (which includes commercial banks, credit unions, and mortgage banks) increased overall spending on lobbying by 4.7% in 2007 to nearly $390 million.  In fact, the finance, insurance & real estate sector spent close to $3 billion on lobbying from 1998 to 2007, more than any other industry in the nation.  In the last ten years, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac alone spent nearly $200 million on lobbying and campaign contributions.

Now these guys are lined up with hats in hand asking the government to bail them out.  Not only that, they have the gall to try and shape the legislation being considered by Congress.  If a kid comes home (hopefully unhurt) after wrecking the family car as a result of carelessness, what parent would be interested in hearing the kid’s ideas about revising traffic safety rules?  Would the kid be out driving another family car very soon?  Probably not at our house.  I can’t think of a reason we’d trust bankers or Wall Street execs to help craft solutions to the current financial crisis.  Foxes in henhouses.  Henry Paulson used to be CEO at Goldman Sachs ($37 million compensation package in 2005; net worth estimated at more than $700 million).  Not sure he qualifies as a ‘disinterested party’ to steward up to $1 trillion of taxpayers’ money.

So I’m in agreement with Christopher Dodd, Chair of the Senate Banking Committee:

1. Do not allow the Treasury Department to purchase any assets “unless the Secretary receives contingent shares in the financial institution from which such assets are to be purchased equal in value to the purchase price of the assets to be purchased.”
2. Limit executive pay “to exclude incentives for executives to take risks that the Secretary deems to be inappropriate or excessive.” The provision would also permit limitations on senior executives as it is “determined to be appropriate in the public interest in light of the assistance being given to the entity.”
3. Create a special inspector general program and a separate emergency oversight board including top officials from the Federal Reserve, Federal Deposit Insurance Corp., and Securities and Exchange Commission.

President Bush, who has been practically invisible in the midst of yet another disaster occurring on his watch, now wants Congress to bail out the banks his way, and fast.  Please excuse us, Mr. President, if we don’t rush to embrace another of your administration’s “solutions.”  And we’re going to need more than the two-and-a-half-page request for $700 billion that Henry Paulson initially brought to Congress. People across the country and around the world are still reeling from the effects of other horrendous decisions President Bush has made, so let’s take the time needed to get this one right.

What if the bankers and high-rolling financiers aren’t happy with the terms of a bailout?  First, as Phil Gramm might tell them, “Quit whining!”  They’re not really in much of a position to bargain.  And if they don’t like the taxpayer’s extraordinarily generous offer, that’s fine.  They’re welcome to go find themselves a better one.

WaMu and “Whoo hoo!”

When I think about choosing a bank, I look for stability, good and friendly customer service, and a reasonable return on my money. I’m not looking for “Whoo hoo!” which is the current marketing slogan for Washington Mutual – or WaMu, as they prefer to be known.

As gigantic banks swallow up small and not-so-small banks, what happens to the little guys – the customers? I’m currently a customer of Washington Mutual, which used to call itself “the friend of the family.” Those days are gone. Like so many others, WaMu joined the scramble to offer customers subprime mortgages and high-interest consumer debt. Eager to rake in fees and profits on risky loan portfolios, banks fell all over themselves to push bigger loan obligations and more credit cards to their customers. That’s no friend of the family.

I originally decided to bank with WaMu because it was a local business. Now my “local” bank has branches – and much more – all over the country. I’m going to move our millions elsewhere as soon as I can, and here are just three among many contributing factors:

1. The WaMu Theater is located in New York City, inside Madison Square Garden. It seats anywhere from 2,000 to 5,600 and regularly hosts stage shows, graduation ceremonies, and business meetings. It has only been known as the WaMu Theater since early 2007…
2. WaMu decided to celebrate its entry into the New York market in a big way. For “Spotlight on Teachers” the bank bought out every ticket to every show on Broadway for a single matinee performance on November 16, 2002 (28,000 tickets in total). 14,000 K-12 teachers were chosen from metro New York City and New Jersey school districts to attend the Broadway show of their choice, with a guest, compliments of Washington Mutual. “The program culminated in a fabulous pre-show event staged in the heart of the theater district with a rousing send off of the teachers to each and every Broadway theater.” That’s great New York-style marketing. But when Washington Mutual spends the big bucks to entertain thousands of teachers in New York, I’m ready for a change.
3. Check out this gorgeous “leadership center” owned by WaMu, just a five-minute car ride from Seattle’s airport. It appears that WaMu’s movers and shakers thought nothing was too big or too good or too soon for them. Wonder what people learned about leadership or ethics or sound business practices or financial responsibility at that center…

“Whoo hoo!” may be more than just another zippy ad campaign. Perhaps it captures the attitude of decision makers gleefully snapping up billions of dollars worth of bad investments and expecting to sell them for big profits. Now it looks like the party’s over, and someone has to pay the piper and clean up the messes made by WaMu’s “leadership” as they drove the bank over the cliff.

Even better than we thought

When we last visited the issue of selecting a high school for our Lovely and Capable Daughter (LCD), the Wise and Mature Parents (WMP) had made a bold decision that did not initially sit well with LCD.  The WMP anticipated and prepared for some ‘blowback.’  It came, and we gained valuable experience in standing firm.

Knowing that LCD does best when she feels connected to people around her, WMP signed her up for August crew camp with others from her new school.  She began meeting and making new friends right and left, and even wore the school’s sweatshirt in public.  By the time classes started, LCD knew dozens of other students and was already identifying with the school.

Now with a few weeks of classes under her belt, WMP happily report that LCD loves school.  She continues to form new friendships and has an outstanding group of teachers.  Solid study habits she established in middle school enable her to keep up with homework and assignments.  WMP even heard her adjuring Zack not to let schoolwork pile up until the last minute.

I feel as though I am watching my LCD in the midst of a major bloom.  As with earlier blooms, this one reveals more of her capability and beauty and competence and grace and strength – stop me here.  LCD is doing an exceptional job of navigating a big transition in  her life, managing her time, making new friends, keeping track of old friends, and rising to all kinds of new challenges.  Room’s a mess, but in the important things, I couldn’t be more proud of her.

Proximity: the new substitute for experience

At first glace, Cindy McCain doesn’t seem to be doing much to advance the cause of blonde women.  In her Aug 31 interview with George Stephanopoulos on ABC, she was asked about Sarah Palin’s foreign policy experience:

“You know, the experience that she comes from is, what she has done in government — and remember that Alaska is the closest part of our continent to Russia.”

But maybe she’s onto something.  If we follow the logic of what she suggests, then millions of us may have the foreign policy experience it takes to be Vice President of the United States – and President, if necessary.  Wow – and we didn’t even know it.  Residents of Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Michigan, New York, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Maine have foreign policy experience because we live close to Canada.  And folks in California, Arizona, New Mexico, and Texas have foreign policy experience with Mexico.  People from Alaska are the most qualified, of course, because they live close to two countries – Russia and Canada!  They’ve got double the foreign policy experience of the rest of us.

The more I think about this, the better it gets.  We can finally recognize the educational experience of Americans who live near schools, the work experience of those living close to employers, and even the religious experience of people with a church in their neighborhood.

Thank you, John (and Cindy) McCain, and Sarah Palin.  This really is a change in how we understand and operate in the world.  In fact, it’s a completely new and different way of thinking that is unencumbered by facts, history, study, humility, truthfulness, reality, or any of those other outmoded and inconvenient frameworks we’ve been using.  Just imagine what could happen if these two were to become President and Vice President of the United States!

Lipstick boating

The ridiculous brouhaha over lipstick on a pig has me wondering about the trigger-happy campers in the McCain-Palin tent. Apparently these folks are desperate to keep the public’s attention off of John McCain’s “maverick” record of voting with President Bush 90% of the time. Not much wiggle room there, my friends.

How “lipstick on a pig” could be interpreted as a sexist remark is a mystery to me. Given that the idea behind this common expression is the inherent absurdity of dressing up a pig, would it be more reasonable to describe one as wearing a tie or a tuxedo? When I look at a pig, the snout protruding right above the mouth is what I notice first; in fact it’s sort of emblematic of pigs. Decorating that snout is the easiest thing to imagine in any attempt to make a pig look nicer. Hey – maybe that’s how it came to be a common expression!

Did you see a flash in the sky over Tennessee during this artificial storm? That was Fred Thompson’s love of drama flaring up. The former senator and actor rushed to Palin’s defense saying, “This woman is undergoing the most vicious assault that anybody has ever seen in public life.” Get that man some perspective, stat! I’m prescribing a few hours at the Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, DC, for Fred’s initial treatment. Hopefully it will clear his mind and calm the impulse to blurt out such preposterous nonsense.

And what are we to make of Jane Swift (former acting governor of Massachusetts) demanding an apology from Obama for calling Sarah Palin a pig? When did he do that? Apparently she found his remark offensive, so she jumped in front of the cameras on national television to express her outrage. Check out this bit of gobbledygook from Ms. Swift:

“You know, his first comment was about lipstick, and his second comment was about a rotting, old fish, and so, you know, he certainly for someone with a strong grasp of the English language — it would be remarkable that he chose so badly anecdotes that people like me could take offense at and could misconstrue.”

Ms. Swift[boat], did you take offense at and misconstrue John McCain using the same expression to criticize Hillary Clinton’s health care plan? Last October he put it this way: “I think they put some lipstick on the pig, but it’s still a pig.” He did it again in May: “I don’t like to use this term, but the latest proposal I see is putting lipstick on a pig.” Do you think that Senator McCain was calling Senator Clinton a pig?  How about when Victoria Clarke, McCain’s former press secretary, wrote a book in 2006 titled Lipstick on a Pig: Winning In the No-Spin Era by Someone Who Knows the Game. Did that offend your sensibilities? No? Surely you’re not suggesting that you object solely because the “offender” in this case is a Democrat!?! That would be so petty, so unfair, so hypocritical.

Get a life, Jane. A sense of humor might come in handy, too. In the meantime, I’m going to risk offending you with some advice based on a common expression that has definite sexist overtones: While you’re ladling out sauce for the goose, be sure to save plenty for the gander. He deserves at least as much.

Did you say 200 billion – with a ‘b’??

For an administration that thinks government intervention is a really, really bad thing, the Bush team sure is quick to pull out the checkbook.  And it’s our money, often for their buddies.

I understand that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are big players in the US economy.  If they’re that important, shouldn’t regulators do more than just play golf with the executives?  Why weren’t the screws tightened a lot sooner?  A three-year investigation involving nearly 8 million pages of documents resulted in a scathing 2006 report by the Office of Federal Housing Enterprise and Oversight (OFHEO).  It detailed an “arrogant and unethical corporate culture” in which smooth growth in profits and earnings targets were reported each quarter from 1998 to mid-2004.  The report found that senior management at Fannie Mae deliberately created these “illusions” using faulty accounting.  Why would they do that?  So that executives could earn large bonuses.  Enron vu all over again.

Let’s look at just one person in this monumental sham:  CEO Franklin Raines was accused in 2004 of shifting losses (among other “accounting errors”) to make it appear that he and other senior execs were doing a great job.  If we’re talking about a great snow job, they were at the top of their game:  $6.3 billion (read this aloud:  “six point three thousand million dollars”) in misstated earnings.  Wasn’t Raines getting paid enough?  His compensation in 2003 alone was more than $20 million.  Even so, he received $3 million in loans while CEO of Fannie Mae.  And now as recently as June 2008, the Wall Street Journal reported that Raines got loans at below market rate from Countrywide.  Must be nice.  (He did have to put his seven bedroom, seven bath home on the market – for $8.25 million – in March.)

The OFHEO filed charges against Raines and two other executives seeking $110 million in penalties and $115 million in returned bonuses.  The government “settled” the matter with the three executives, who paid a total of only about $3 million in fines.  (Fannie Mae’s insurance will cover much of the cost of the penalties owed by Raines.)  Raines agreed to donate the proceeds from a $1.8 million sale of Fannie Mae stock.  He also agreed to relinquish his stock options.  Well, can we at least give him some credit for that?  Guess not – the stock is worthless.

So tell me again why taxpayers get to shell out as much as $200 billion to stabilize these out-of-control pig farms.  Why isn’t this guy in prison?  Seems to me that the US Treasury should receive no less than 100% of the proceeds from the sale of Franklin Raines’ home the moment he sells it.

Obama has it right in urging the government to use its authority to put extraordinary measures in place.  There’s no time to lose!  One of the first things to do is shut the door on the line of people ready to jump with their golden parachutes:  Freddie Mac’s [now former] CEO Richard Syron is entitled to about $14.1 million in severance and other payments as long as his employment is ended “without cause.”  Oh there’s cause, all right.  Fannie Mae’s Daniel Mudd could get a payout of nearly $9.3 million, including severance, pension benefits and deferred compensation.  SLAM!  No more trading on your good name, Mr. Mudd.

Stuff like this makes my blood boil – obviously.  These fat cats ought not to be able to run corporations into the ground and walk away with their own pockets stuffed with cash – a reward for their greed and incompetence.  Of course there are far too many precedents, but this one would make an excellent line in the sand.  Especially when millions of American may face foreclosure on the one home they own, partly because the big wigs at Fannie and Freddie were fiddling while R(H)ome was burning.

Sarah needs to say she’s sorry

Sooooo glad the D and R national conventions are over – and we haven’t watched any of it on TV.  It can’t be a coincidence that a 4,500 year old, 50 square kilometer ice shelf completely broke away from Canada’s Ellesmere Island this last Tuesday.  Gasbags have released enormous amounts of hot air in recent days.

In the midst of all the blather comes another call from Jim Wallis to curb the amount of red meat being slung around by candidates and parties.  Wallis’ response was prompted by Sarah Palin’s mockery of community organizers in her speech on Wednesday:

Perry Perkins is now a community organizer in Louisiana with affiliates of the Industrial Areas Foundation (IAF). “Perk,” as we used to call him, reported on the enormous consequences of 2 million people being evacuated because of Hurricane Gustav, much of the state now being without power, how hard cities like Baton Rouge were hit, the tens of thousands of people in shelters and churches, and the continuing problems caused by heavy rains and flooding. Then he talked about how their community organizers were responding to all of this — responding to hundreds of service calls, assisting local officials in evacuation plans, aiding evacuees without transportation, coordinating shelters and opening new ones, providing food, essential services, and financial aid to those in most need. Since Katrina, Perry’s Louisiana interfaith organizations have played a lead role in securing millions of dollars to help thousands of families return to New Orleans and rebuild their homes and their lives.

Then Wednesday night I heard Republican vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin say that her experience as “a small-town mayor is sort of like a community organizer, except that you have actual responsibilities.” The convention crowd in St. Paul thought that was very funny. But it wasn’t. It was actually quite insulting to the army of community organizers who work in the most challenging places across the country and have such a tremendous impact on the everyday lives of millions of people. I guess Palin and her fellow Republican delegates don’t know much about that. The “actual responsibilities” of community organizers literally provide the practical support, collective strength, and hope for a better future that low-income families need to survive.

Community organizers are now most focused in the faith community, working with tens of thousands of pastors and laypeople in thousands of congregations around the country. Faith-based organizing is the critical factor in many low-income communities in the country’s poorest urban and rural areas, and church leaders are often the biggest supporters of community organizers. And many of them felt deeply offended by Palin’s remarks. Here are a few of their responses:

“As a lifelong Republican, the comments I heard last night about community organizing crossed the line. It is one thing to question someone’s experience, another to demean the work of millions of hardworking Americans who take time to get involved in their communities. When people come together in my church hall to improve our community, they’re building the Kingdom of God in San Diego. We see the fruits of community organizing in safer streets, new parks, and new affordable housing. It’s the spirit of democracy for people to have a say and we need more of it,” said Bishop Roy Dixon, prelate of the Southern California 4th ecclesiastical jurisdiction of the Church of God in Christ, member of the San Diego Organizing Project and former board chair of PICO National Network.

They have also pointed out how the most important victories for social justice have come more from community organizers than elected officials.

“We can thank community organizing for the weekend, the eight-hour day, integrated swimming pools, public transportation, health care for children and safe neighborhoods.  Community organizing is behind most of the family-oriented initiatives we benefit from every day. I am proud to work for change in my country, my state, and my city as a community organizer, following the great traditions of Dr. Martin Luther King,” said Laura Barrett, national policy director of Gamaliel/Transportation Equity Network (TEN).

And when you put the accomplishments of politicians alongside those of community organizers for poor families, it isn’t even close. Without the pressure from community organizers and the movements they lead, there would often be nobody to hold politicians accountable.

“Politicians should thank community organizers, not insult them. As a longtime organizer, I’ve seen time and time again that we are the ones who make government work for the poor, the powerless and the marginalized. Politicians’ policies and promises would amount to nothing without grassroots activists to hold them accountable. We are leaders of faith and stewards of democracy. In a time when the face of faith in politics is often ugly, community organizing is a valuable example of faith’s positive role in public life,” said Pastor Mark Diemer, senior pastor of Grace of God Lutheran Church in Columbus, Ohio, and a DART community organizer.

Palin’s effort to attack the experience of Barack Obama, a former community organizer in Chicago, turned into a bad joke and an insult. Palin owes a lot of good people an apology.

S’more camping stories

Camping is a great setting for creating memories…

When I was a kid my parents bought all new camping gear in one swell foop. The 9′ x 12′ canvas tent had plenty of headroom – the ridge pole must have been 7′ high. When folded up, the tent was so big and heavy that one person could barely carry it. That first purchase also included a toilet seat mounted on a collapsible frame – like a folding camp stool. Underneath the seat were some hooks with which to attach plastic bags with drawstrings. Somebody was thinkin’.

For some reason we took my grandmother with us on our first camping trip. That either speaks very well of her spirit of adventure, or very poorly of our understanding of ‘fun things to do with Grandma.’ Our campsite was kind of out in the open so there wasn’t much privacy for our portable privvy. In fact there wasn’t any. Maybe that stinking outhouse all the way across the campground wasn’t so bad after all… But at night it would be awfully handy to have facilities closer to the tent, and darkness would take care of privacy.

In the middle of the night we were awakened by a sudden crash. A bear? No – a bear doesn’t cuss and swear like that. Apparently for even greater convenience, the collapsible toilet had been brought inside our commodious (intended) tent. While Grandma was using it – no doubt taking care not to wake anyone – it collapsed. She and my Dad cracked heads, and who can remember if or how Grandma finished her business or what happened to the bag under the seat. It was a long time ago, and there’s been a lot of water under the bridge since, so to speak…

That was the last time we used that gizmo. It was also the last time Grandma went camping with us.

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In those same early days of family camping, my parents sometimes slept inside the canopy that enclosed the back of Dad’s Chevy pickup. Mom and my sisters and I all had those eight or ten pound sleeping bags from the big initial purchase of camping gear. Dad had an old Army surplus sleeping bag filled with chicken feathers (perhaps predating the discovery of goose down).

One morning I was the first to wake up. Like any teen, my thoughts turned to the family and what I could do to get breakfast started. Needing something out of the back of the truck, I swung open the tailgate. A few things like dandelion spores flew in my face. Ptooie. Where’d those come from?

Had it snowed in the back of the truck? Wait a second – those are chicken feathers. Then my Dad moved slightly and his bag issued a little puff of feathers. Ah ha.

When they emerged from the truck, Mom and Dad looked like they’d spent the night in a chicken coop. If I’d known anything about raising chickens, the sight might have prompted me to look for eggs. My Dad had feathers in his hair, his beard, his ears, his eyelashes and eyebrows. Big Bird wasn’t around yet, but that’s what he looked like.  And just like in nature, my Mom’s plumage wasn’t as dramatic – but she was easily identifiable as the same species. As I recall, they laughed as hard as we did when they saw themselves in a mirror.

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You never know what might happen sitting around an evening campfire. Sometimes we find ourselves just staring into the flames. On one occasion four of us were relaxing and talking when we were suddenly taken hostage and held at stickpoint by our kids.

The first time we camped with Chris and Katie and their kids, Chris and I had a contest to see who could stuff the most marshmallows into our mouths. Don’t try this without a video camera. The first few marshmallows are no big deal, but then the cheeks start bulging in a way that can completely change the stuffee’s face. I’ll never forget watching a friend undergo this transformation in front of a church camp. He’s a very smart, highly competent attorney who suddenly looked for all the world like a squirrel. I’ve never laughed harder.

Chris slowed down at about nine or ten marshmallows, but my head and mouth are bigger, so I had an unfair advantage. A couple of things start happening when the mouth gets this full: 1) the gag reflex can be triggered in a big way; and 2) the salivary glands kick into high gear. I found myself herking and drooling unbelievably with 14 marshmallows crammed into my mouth. I think Chris topped out at 11, but his form and control were superior. I won for sheer volume, but I’d give it to him for artistry.

This is not a good thing to attempt for those who have a cold or difficulty breathing through the nose. Definitely don’t want to breathe through the mouth in a situation like this. It’s also important to have ‘discard’ bags handy. Audience sensitivities should dictate whether the bags are clear or opaque.

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Susan’s family also had a big canvas tent when she was a kid. Her brother and a cousin woke up in the middle of the night with no time to find their way to the campground’s ‘comfort station.’ With parental instructions to walk a discreet distance away, they set out. Imagine the surprise of the family members still in their sleeping bags when they heard the distinctive sound of two little boys peeing against the outside of the tent.

Decades later we inherited that old canvas tent, and it still bore the evidence of that very short midnight walk in the woods.

Grandpa Gangsta

Al Capone’s first house in Chicago was just three blocks from my great aunt’s home on the South Side.  My grandfather sold undertaking supplies in Chicago around 1930, when Capone was at the peak of his career as America’s best known gangster.  With killings like the infamous St. Valentine’s Day Massacre of 1929 (organized by Capone), sales to funeral parlors must have been pretty brisk.

Listening to my Grandpa talk gave me the impression that he might have preferred the life of a gangster to his life as a traveling salesman.  I remember hearing about “the boys” playing the “Chicago piano” (machine gun), putting on a pair of “Chicago shoes” (cement blocks) and “going for a swim” (dumping a body) in the Chicago River.  And there was some story about putting a wild paint job on an unidentified body in a mortuary…

I can’t recall ever seeing Grandpa without a shirt and tie, even if he was just hanging around home.  He never left the house without a hat, and he had a new Ford at least every other year for decades.  I know he loved going to the racetrack with our elderly neighbor Frank; it never occurred to me to ask him to read us a story or take us fishing or to the zoo. The movie “Sea Biscuit” startled me with its familiar portrayal of men just like my grandfather.

Grandpa was a man of few words.  One part of his code was, “Loose lips sink ships,” or simply, “Don’t tell ‘em too much.”  I’d guess he was also the “speak softly and carry a big stick” type.  Showing us how he’d face down an attacker, he would introduce one big fist as Sleeping Sickness, the other as Rigor Mortis, and would tell his prospective attacker to take his pick.  He enjoyed some of WC Fields’ jokes about children: “Go away, kid – you draw flies.” “I like children – when they’re properly cooked.”  And if Grandpa was around for our bedtime, he’d say he could rock us to sleep – if he could find a big rock.

Under big bushy eyebrows his blue eyes often had a playful twinkle.  My Mom says he was the consummate salesman:  he knew and understood his customers, and they took obvious pleasure in dealing with him. Mom also knew that a softer side lay beneath Grandpa’s gruff exterior.  If someone told a sad story, he was the first one to tear up. After my Mom’s two year-old sister died of leukemia, Grandpa readily agreed to take the family on a trip to California.

My grandfather loved good food – one reason he had an 18″ neck.  He was especially fond of a nice cut of beef.  Before carving he would smack his lips and announce that it “made his teeth water.”  Grandpa also loved onions and horseradish, and ate them in quantities that made him cry.  He appreciated a good knife and would explain to us that a blade should be “so sharp you could cut your head off and not even know it until you went to shake your head.”

Grandpa was a whiz with crossword puzzles, and he and my Mom played highly competitive games of Scrabble.  He possessed an uncanny knowledge of obscure words, could rack up astronomical scores on the board, and had an elegant gloat comprised of sniffing, clearing his throat, slightly shrugging his shoulders while turning his head as though his collar was too tight, and peering out from under those eyebrows.  Gangsta style.

My grandparents lived in the Midwest and our family lived on the West Coast, so we didn’t see them very often.  My Grandpa and Grandma had been married for 62 years when he died.  I’m sorry I didn’t know him better.

Too much warm, moist air swirling around

Count me among the millions who are breathing a sigh of relief that Hurricane Gustav veered away from New Orleans and came ashore packing a little less punch than predicted.

And three cheers for Governor Jindal and Mayor Nagin for persuading nearly two million people to evacuate threatened areas.  That’s leadership.  FEMA estimates that only 10,000 people (fewer than packed the Superdome during Katrina) stayed in New Orleans and 100,000 remained on the coast.

A storm with 110 mph winds is still severe, and the Gulf Coast has another tough road ahead.  Can’t imagine the heartbreak and discouragement of rebuilding after Katrina and now facing this.  Time for the rest of us to write some checks.  I’ve seen a couple of 100 mph windstorms in Seattle, but the combination of wind + rain + major river + coastline + low-lying population centers is much scarier.  We’re thankful for emergency workers on the job, levees that held, pumps that work, and flood walls, canals, and preparations that did what they were designed to do.

At the other end of the Mississippi River, millions of us were also spared from two additional gigantic blasts of hot air.  President Bush and VP Cheney canceled their appearances at opening night of the Republican National Convention.  John McCain and a bunch of other Republican candidates must feel that God has done immeasurably more than they could ask or imagine in answer to their prayers.  “Please, God – anything to put some distance between me and those guys.”

The miracle here is that Bush and Cheney would change their plans.  When Hurricane Katrina slammed into the Gulf Coast on August 29, 2005, President Bush was vacationing at his Texas ranch.  He flew to Arizona that day to deliver a stay-the-course speech about the war in Iraq.  And August 29 is John McCain’s birthday, so the two buddies posed together for a nice photo op.  The next day – as New Orleans was inundated – Bush kept to his schedule in San Diego, boasting that his own military campaign in Iraq had the same moral significance as the Allied struggle against German fascism and Japanese imperialism.  Breathtaking, isn’t it?  Of course there were no facts to support his dizzying arrogance, and Bush’s rationale for invading Iraq has been completely discredited.

Knowing that President Bush is staying in Texas (wonder if he knows that Louisiana is right next door) to “monitor the situation” must be cold comfort to victims of Hurricane Gustav.  At least Michael “Brownie, you’re doing a heckuva job” Brown is nowhere in sight (except on the White House website, where his credentials as ‘Former FEMA Director’ were still posted in the waning days of the Bush administration).  Let’s hope that this time Bush can keep his incompetence to himself and let people who know what they’re doing do it.  With his track record, he owes residents of the Gulf Coast at least that much.