Kid jokes

From my long-time friend Bill:

Jack (3) observed his Mom breastfeeding the baby and wondered aloud, “Why do you have two?  Can you give her hot and cold milk?”

When Granny said she couldn’t remember how old she was, her granddaughter (5) said, “If you don’t remember, just look in the back of your panties.  Mine says five to six.”

Kissing his Mom good night, Steven (3) told her, “I love you so much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.”

A girl (4) with an ear ache couldn’t open the bottle of pain relievers.  When her Mom said it was a child-proof cap and opened it for her, the girl marveled, “How does it know it’s me?”

When Brittany (4) and her mother met an elderly woman with wrinkled skin, Brittany asked, “Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?”

James (4) listened to his Dad read the story of Lot:  “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.”  James wondered, “What happened to the flea?”

“Dear Lord,” the minister prayed, arms uplifted and a joyous expression on his upturned face.  “Without you, we are but dust…”  His momentary pause gave a listener the chance to ask, in her shrill and very audible four year-old girl voice, “Mom, what is butt dust?”


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