Joys of adolescence

Today Zack and I pulled the middle school paperwork out of his desk in anticipation of him starting high school this fall.   He wanted to burn everything, but I asked him to go through it and pick out things he thought we’d enjoy.  Here’s a gem from seventh grade that escaped the flames:

One of my pet peeves is walking behind someone and you can tell they didn’t put on deodorant.  Even worse is when someone next to you smells so bad your eyes are watering, then they move closer.  I just want to carry around a drystick and give it to people.

One time I was working in a group and this guy had the worst BO ever.  I mean my eyes were watering and my nose was stinging.  I told him he needed some deo and he just looked at me.  I didn’t think it could get any worse after he moved closer to me.  Then he reached up.

I once got put in a head lock by a 15 year-old in need of some Old Spice.  My head smelled for the rest of the day.

Another thing I hate is when people have morning breath.  When you are talking to them, the words kind of breeze past you while the breath doesn’t.  Or if you are doing something and a person watching over your shoulder has bad breath.  I just tell them to breathe through their nose or back up before I pass out.

But what I hate the most is when they have a combination of BO, bad breath, sweat, and just a bad smell in general.  In that case I would say, “Have some gum, have some deo.  I just happen to have a toothbrush and toothpaste – you take it.  Here, have my cologne.”  But in the end, they might smell even worse.

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One response to “Joys of adolescence

  1. Please tell me this has been published in a literary journal. =)

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