Airline humor

In South Africa, Kulula bills itself as “more than just an airline… we’re an entire travel experience.”  The ‘Great Fun’ section of their mission statement describes some of the company’s culture:  We help people lighten up.  Smiles and jokes are free.  We always want to be genuinely friendly and provide the right environment for our staff’s natural talent to shine. The ‘Totally Honest’ section spells out a different element of the culture:  This means we tell it like it is.  We’re not shy of being straight and down-to-earth.  There’s no bullshit.  There are no hidden costs.  What you see is what you get.

Here are more examples of how they’re putting a fresh spin on the ‘user experience:’

Inside the planes, Kulalu’s flight attendants liven up the in-flight safety presentations and make announcements more entertaining:

  • Since there are no assigned seats, passengers choose their own.  When some found it difficult to choose, a flight attendant got on the PA:  “People, people!  We’re not picking out furniture here.  Find a seat and get in it!”
  • On a flight with one of the company’s senior cabin crew members, the captain announced that the cabin lights would be dimmed “for your comfort, and to enhance the appearance of our flight attendants.”
  • “Please be sure to take all of your belongings..  If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.”
  • As the plane landed and taxied to a stop at Durban Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker:  “Whoa, big fella. WHOA!”
  • “Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth.  To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull tight.  It works just like every other seat belt and if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.”
  • “In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling.  Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.  If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs.  If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.”
  • “Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive.  Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money more than Kulula Airlines.”
  • “Your seat cushions can be used for flotation.  In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.”
  • “As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.  Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants.  Please do not leave children or spouses.”
  • A welcome message from a pilot:  “Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.  Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight.”
  • After an extremely hard landing in Cape Town, a flight attendant announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City.  Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate.”
  • “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”
  • A passenger exiting the plane after a hard landing asked the pilot, “Did we land, or were we shot down?”
  • Following a crusher of a landing in Johannesburg, an attendant on the PA said, “Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate.  Once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to get to the terminal.”
  • Part of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement:  “We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today.  And the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of Kulula Airlines.”
  • “Ladies and gentlemen, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.  If you can light ’em, you can smoke ’em.”
  • “This is your captain speaking.  Welcome to flight number 293, non-stop from Durban to Cape Town.  The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight.  Please sit back and relax and OH, MY GOODNESS!”  Silence followed until the captain came back on the intercom and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier.  While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap.  You should see the front of my pants!”  A passenger then yelled, “You should see the back of mine!”

More power to these guys!

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