Good to know…

Aging Baby Boomers have so many things to keep track of.  Following are three more things I hadn’t even considered until now.  (I didn’t write this – Maureen O’Connor (maureen@gawker.com) did; but I laughed out loud when I read it.  It appeared in a CNN article, “What to do when body parts fall off.”)

When Your Eyeball Pops Out…

DO run around screaming.  You might not be able to see the phone to dial 911 by yourself, so you’ll want to alert others to the fact that your eyeball just popped out of your head.
DON’T try to shove it back in.  If you push the wrong part, you’ll make it worse.  Plus, sometimes cool stuff happens—like your eyelid flipping back behind your cornea!—and you’ll want to share that with everyone around you.
DON’T worry about it falling to the floor and rolling around.  It probably won’t even dangle!  The optic nerve will keep it safely tucked away—or at least in the vicinity of—your eye socket.

When You Chop Your Finger Off…

DO rinse it off with cold water.  Even disembodied hands need to be washed!
DON’T put it directly on ice.  It will get an ice burn, and you won’t even notice because its nerve endings aren’t connected to your brain anymore.
DO wrap it in a damp cloth, seal it in a ziploc bag, and then put that baggie inside another baggie filled with cool (not icy) water.
DON’T let anyone carry the finger to the hospital for you. It’s not uncommon for husbands to misplace a finger or end up stuck at a red light.  In such cases, they not only lose their loved one’s fingers, but may destroy their marriages, too.

When You Knock a Tooth Out…

DO thank your lucky stars it wasn’t a popped-out eyeball or chopped-off finger.  Seriously, did you read the other two sections?  Your problems are nothing.
DO rinse it off with milk or water.  If there is no milk or water available, lick and suck on it.  I know that sounds weird, but eventually it’s going back in your mouth anyway.
DON’T suck too vigorously in case you swallow.
DO shove your knocked-out tooth back in the socket, so the squishy wet part is back in the gums where it belongs.  If you can’t get it back in, or are too freaked out, hold it between your cheek and gums.  Remember:  No swallowing.
DO go to the dentist right away.  When I first read this part I thought it was telling me I could just shove my teeth back in and they would be fine.  In fact, you still need someone to sew you back together.

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